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You, the Jury Pt. I: The AJC Snub
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The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over. I'll now air some of my "dirty laundry" and you can ferret through my naked words for a tidbit to hang me on. We've done this dance before.
Readers of my previous blog may recall the story of how I went to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution for a job interview and, unfortunately, just missed making the cut in a spelling bee sort of test. However the editor I chatted with told me I was "such a strong writer" and a genuine Rennaisance man, she put me on the list to write little freelance stories for her department. I did this from 2002 until just this year when I was, uh...disinvited.
The department does special inserts for clients who purchase them. Say you're having a craft fair, you commission this department to create a special insert for all the AJC's distributed in the area about your craft fair. Earlier this year I was called up about a seminar that was going on at Southern Tech for teens about applying for student financial aid. I was told the insert would be geared towards teenagers and their parents, and I should contact the seminar organizer for the names of admissions personnel who would be speaking at the event.
Right away this girl bristles audibly when I ask for "admissions office personnel," because they're financial aid counselors. Okay, whatever. I'm not in the academics biz, dipshit*, plus "admissions personnel" was the term used in the e-mail I was sent by the assistant editor I'm working for. Anyhow, the little lady (sounds like mid-20's) says I should come by the college for a lunch and she can get some students to talk to me about the event. Well...I work in a call center by day, I'm only freelance, and I don't have the liberty to "do lunch," unfortunately. Later she leaves me a message to meet her and the students at an campus basketball game that I believed she said would be on Sunday. She tells me if I need her on the weekend to call her cell phone.
Sunday morning 8 a.m. comes. I don't know when this game is happening so I figure I'd better catch her early. It's a cell number so I figure I'm safe calling that early: if she's asleep the phone will be off or elsewhere, if she's up it'll be on, she'll answer and we can meet up. I dial and the worst happens. She's asleep, and the game is Thursday, not Sunday. Holy shit! A thousand stammering, profuse apologies. She doesn't seem to make too much of it and I tell her I'll call her Monday.
My memory is hazy but I believe we get to about Wednesday of the next week and I still have not received a single notice from her about who in the hell is going to be at this seminar or how to contact them for a few quotes, and the story is due either Friday or the next Monday. Finally I e-mail or call her yet again and finally get a list and immediately commence contacting the people. I send them an e-mail first explaining who I am and what I'm doing, and include my questions so they won't be blindsided and if they don't have time to chat on the phone they can just type in their answers. I feel a little cheesy doing it this way but time is now of the essence and sometimes people actually request to be interviewed by e-mail, so I'm giving them options.
I finally get exactly one guy on the phone, who's a pretty fun guy to talk to; a guidance counselor at Decatur High School. As we're discussing the Hope Scholarship I ask him if you have to be a teen or twenty-something to utilize that and he says no, you could even be in your 30's. I say, "Oh, really? Hmm...maybe I ought to do that." I follow the Tom Snyder philosophy that I don't do an interview, I do a conversation and keep it casual and fun.
I finally got at least one interview in when I get an e-mail from the lady at the Journal. She tells me to cancel any further interviews, send them a bill for what I've done, my role in the story is done. I panic immediately, of course, but hope I'm just being a nervous nelly for nothing.
The next morning on my first break I call the chief editor, per her instructions, to ask what's going on. Well...I called this admissions person on the weekend, and that's a no-no. But is it still a no-no if they give you their cell phone number and say to use it to call them on the weekend? "Oh, then there's some nuance there I haven't heard about," the chief editor replies.
Except that accidentally calling her on the wrong day at a bad time was only part of what was wrong, I'm told. The editor has also been forwarded my questions, which she describes as "negative and weird." What's negative and weird about them? She pulls up the fine example that I asked the far-out question, What can a person applying for a student loan do to minimize their long-term debt? Really! I mean, have you ever heard of anything so outlandish?! Looking back I can't believe I wasn't on drugs when I asked that! Applying for a loan and thinking about debt? I must be crazy! She says that the audience for this piece is students and they're not going to think about such things. I tell her that the e-mail I was sent said "students and their parents," and respectfully disagree that a 17-year-old smart enough to look for loan information isn't also smart enough to think about how they're going to pay it off.
As the editor prepares to pontificate...my break comes to an end. Actually I'm already two minutes late punching back in, but people who live in the world of iPods, laptops, Palm Treos and Bluetooths might not understand the unforgiving nature of my Johnny Punchclock occupation. So I tell her, "I'm very sorry if I've ruffled any feathers and upset anyone; it wasn't my intention at all, but...I've got to punch in!" Once punched in I send an e-mail, "Sorry, I wasn't trying to blow you off, but I was overdue to get back to work!" I had hoped this would turn out to be nothing and I could get it out of the way in short order but instead she's ready to discuss it half a day.
So later that evening I get an e-mail from her that she "wishes me luck" and my abilities "just aren't there yet." I'm supposed to anticipate their needs without them spelling them out, they don't have time to coach me. So I respond with the e-mail the assistant editor sent me that did spell out what he wanted, and I followed his instructions to a tee! I also said I was sorry to hear that after three or four yeas of contributing stories that they had received not only gladly but, from what I was told, great enthusiasm, I was sorry to hear I "just wasn't there." I was further saddened to hear I "just wasn't there" considering I still have the Cc'd e-mail she sent me when she recommended me highly to one of her colleagues.
That was the end of that buddy-ship. Since then I've thought, in my mind's eye, that it would be a good idea to invite her to lunch on one of my day's off to re-impress her that I was the kindly, mildly-witty fellow she seemed to view me as on our first meeting. Realisitically thinking, though, I'm sure my invitation would be declined and even if I danced into their good graces again it would be a matter of time before some other petulant nobody went whining to them about something and they threw me out the door again. Thirdly, I'm not big into ass-kissing and blowing sunshine, if you haven't noticed.
Epilogue: The other night I tuned past the Suze Orman show on CNBC. She was discussing student loans. And you know what the teens (and their parents) were calling in about? AVOIDING LONG-TERM DEBT! The local ABC affiliate also recently did a series on student loans. You know what their angle was? AVOIDING LONG-TERM DEBT! Wowie-zowie! Have they all bumped their heads?! That's so negative and weird!
So yes, I called on the wrong day, at a bad time. I don't run from that. For them to have been upset over that aspect would have been expected, and if they even said, "We better pull you off of this one" I would have understood. But to throw me out entirely and say a perfectly reasonable question was "negative and weird"?
OH! Plus she said, "The audience for this isn't 34 year olds thinking about going back to school on the Hope Scholarship." That wasn't on my list of questions and I don't know if my casual query made it back to her, but if it did...what the fuck?! As long as I'm talking to an expert about the topic, why not ask? I wasn't enough of a dope to think I was going to include that in the story.
Now tell me how I was horribly bad, I'm a real asshole by nature, and I should dream of being fit to clean horse stables.
* I didn't actually say this, nor was it my spoken attitude. I'm using this tone in embittered reflection. |
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Posted by Art | 9:55 PM EST |
9 comments
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In the meantime, let's all laugh at this... very funny stuff. It's making the rounds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joel Hollander, CBS Radio Chief
From: Kenneth Lay, Former Enron Chief, now retired in Hell
Dear Joel:
Wanted to write you a note to tell you how much I am loving your latest moves at CBS. I may be retired and sitting in a lounge chair in a very hot location, but I'm still watching your brilliant direction of the once great CBS Radio Division.
You're doing a great job and I love your latest move, firing 115 employees due to your own mistakes. You came up with both Free-FM and Jack, two ideas I wish I would have thought of at Enron!
After WNEW-FM's all silly talk format crashed and burned three years ago, you come up with the new name of Free-FM, and put the same format on stations all across the country. Bravo! Not one of them is even getting a 2 share!
And after you heard David Lee Roth a few times filling in on your Boston station, you say to yourself, this guy is my new wake-up man to replace Howard Stern! Then when DLR bombs, your underlings blame him in the press, laying the groundwork to can him WITHOUT paying him his money! Very cool, Joel. (I very much miss "cool" by the way.)
And if that's not enough, you actually bring back the radio team you fired for orchestrating sex in St. Patrick's Cathedral. As O & A would say, "WOW!" I wish I had thought of doing something like that at Enron!
I marvel at your undying support of Jack in the face of all the negative publicity, firing DJs in NYC and Chicago without even giving them a chance to say goodbye! Wish I had done that to some of the senior citizens who had their retirement plans invested in Enron. I should have silenced them as you did to Harry Harrison, Bob Shannon, Bobby Jay, Bill Brown, etc.
I have to admit, I admire your tenacity, too. I've seen your appearance on CNBC, and read some of your print interviews, defending Jack. Not once have you admitted it was a terrible mistake to nationalize Jack instead of putting it in specific markets where it is suited.
I thought I did a good job saying I was innocent when reporters shoved microphones in front of me outside of the courthouse. I even invoked religion as I proclaimed my innocence. But Joel, you've got me beat.
You've brought CBS Radio to its knees faster than I did it to Enron. Just look at the combined ratings at CBS's 3 NYC FM stations. Three stations now equal less than Lite-FM by itself! Then you go and FIRE the General Manager you ordered to replace Oldies with Jack. He couldn't keep the same revenues so you fired his ass! Good for you! I also like the firing of your KROQ General Manager only months after your LA Alternative station beat Lite-FM as the station with the nation's highest revenues. (I never liked that name Trip anyway.)
I raise my glass to you Joel (if only I could get some ice cubes for this glass...). I could have used a lieutenant like you as I was dismantling Enron! Why didn't you send me your resume then? You should have written me some press releases like the one you released this week, talking about the need to reduce "headcount." Ha! Broadcasting companies who are doing well are foolishly HIRING people. But that memo you sent out made it sound like it wasn't YOUR dumb moves but the "changing climate of radio" that forced you to pink slip all those loyal employees. That's priceless, Joel!
By the way, I'm saving a lounge chair here in hell right next to mine when you're time is up, Joel. Can't wait to shake your hand then! When you find the Pearly Gates are locked to you, just look for me downstairs. Keep up the good work, buddy.
Sincerely,
Kenny-boy Lay
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good for a couple laughs, huh! And just to remember that no matter what industry or what town, we're all dealing with a Joel Hollander or a Ken Lay. Or a lady down at the paper.
Sweet dreams... hang in there!
With your bad luck, sir, I would think you'd have an entire blues album written by now.
Hang it there dooood. Bubby still loves ya!
Y'know Hardy said the exact same thing. "You're in a perfect position to write a blues album." Maybe I should shut my pie hole. I'm starting to look pathetic.
Probably this insert was intended really as an advertising brochure in disguise. Your valid question popped up on a number of national shows, but the editors might've been looking for questions and 'enticing paragraphs' that would make parents & kids RUN not WALK to the nearest phone. Sign up, enroll, take out a student loan, whatever. I'm guessing the point of the editor's goal was to increase calls and send over new customers.
Would definitely continue the chatty style of interviewing if and when it feels right. Would also avoid inserting opinion about your own future (applying for the Hope grant), as that can definitely sound a little funky when it gets back to the client, regardless of your honest intentions or Tom Snyder interview techniques, etc.
Every situation is loaded with what-ifs and but-why-did? type of things.
Send her a small, professional thing of flowers. Florist can help right over the phone. Short note: Sue, I care about that last assignment. I'm looking forward to getting back to work and possibly hearing about your next article. I'd enjoy taking you to lunch at the Newsprint Cafe next week and will give you a call.
Brown-nosing? I don't know. When something hapens between a client and provider to change their working relationship, clearly something is amiss. Anyway, it bothered you enough to post it.
Might be a good idea to keep an offline journal too, y'know.
I think that was the idea behind the Art's Bar and Grille. No mention of last name so it would be hard to have an Internet search turn up much. And if my good buddy didn't keep an online journal I'd never know what he's up to :-)
>> Send her a small, professional thing of flowers.
That's a pretty good idea. A thoughtful gift of kindness such as this can go a looooong way to repairing a damaged relationship. Besides in this crazy world, random acts of kindness are all to few and far between. Even if it doesn't repair the relationship you've helped spread a little love.
Oh, yes definitely an advertising brochure in disguise.
Actually this all happened several months ago, around January or February. Who knows? I can't get my asshole tight enough to get by in this world. Perhaps I'll do...something. I bought my boss at the call center a box of doughnuts once and that $3 has paid great dividends.
Seems she had a film role lined up with Ron Jeremy, but something fell through. That's showbiz.
She used to work in a call center.
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