Hmm...what do you guess these ladies are up to? Looks like they're hanging around a office in their underwear. That's unusual. I wonder if they're talking about some curtains they saw at Linens 'n' Things that were just
adorable? Do you guess they're talking about how they can't wait to pick strawberries with their in-laws next spring? Or how their youngest son refuses to eat his vegetables?
No, I'll tell you what they're up to: they're about to have SEX!
That's Teanna Kai and Becca Bratt in a capture from the best porn I think I've ever seen, called "Do It Nasty." It's on a site called Eskimo Tube. It's just three minutes and thirty-six seconds long, but it's a hell of a three minutes and thirty-six seconds.
As you can see, Teanna Kai and Becca Bratt are both amazingly attractive. They could be married to doctors in West Palm Beach, spending their days playing gin rummy at the country club and riding around on golf carts. They could ride their looks to the top of some corporation, spending their lives terrorizing their subordinates while raking in tons of cash.
Or they could be doing what a lot of ladies around their age are doing. How about if they waited tables at Red Lobster? Or they could put on polo shirts and khaki pants and stand around at a Fitzsimmons cell phone store all day trying to resolve customers' text messaging issues. How about that? "Thank you for visiting Fitzsimmons! Someone will be with you in a moment!"
But no, instead they've chosen to have incredibly hot sex while we watch. I wonder what lead them to make that choice? "They were abused as children!," you say. How do you know? People often jump to that conclusion, but I'm sure plenty of people are molested who wind up being managers at big corporations where they terrorize their subordinates while raking in lots of cash, or wait tables at Red Lobster. Don't you think it's statistically unlikely that so many women who had bad childhoods would also turn out to have fabulously tight figures and great hair?
Eric Von Haessler made a great point about porn stars. How is it that with zillions of thumbnails out there on the Internet and all the time I've spent looking at porn, I've never seen anyone I recognized? There were only one or two girls at my high school who were up to Teanna Kai and Becca Bratt levels, and if any of them went into porn, I can guarantee you it would make the front page of the
Mayberry Neighbor. But as far as I know they all went on to pick strawberries with their in-laws and other bland, "respectable" things. So where do they grow these gals? Does anyone out there remember Kai or Bratt from their 7th grade science class?
I also wonder how they got into having sex with other women. Why don't they wear sweater vests and slacks like Ellen DeGeneres and the lesbians I see in reality? Why do they look so damn
hot? You might say they're just doing it for the money, but if that was all it was, I wouldn't think they would make such happy faces and seem so into it. Surely something in their faces would betray that they were holding their noses and thinking of the dollars, but they seem to genuinely be having fun. Would you suck another guy's weiner for $500? I sure as hell wouldn't.
What about when they get older and don't look so great anymore? Do you think they'll be able to slip back into the mainstream and take bookkeeping jobs when they're 45?
Just a few musings on porn stars.
I mentioned briefly on my blog how I gave up porn a couple months ago. This post makes me miss it. It truly is an amazing (and vaguely repugnant) world where a person is but one click away from stuff like this.
I've heard it said that most women could be bisexual. To quote The Decline of Western Civilization: the Metal Years, "Girls like girls, no matter what they might say." I've had women very close to me say they've considered it, just because "women are so pretty."
You're right, I can't think of a single man who would go down on another guy for any sum. Yet there's no end to the number of willing, hot females in lesbian porn.
I think Jenna Jameson retired recently. She had to have made millions in the genre. You have to wonder, do they get a thousand bucks a pop to do this? Imagine doing five "scenes" per week.
How much do the women doing really, really sick things get? Judging from their teeth, crack money.
I guess there are worse ways to make a living than slaving away in a call center!
A local radio guy said he was on the set of a porn once, and most of those people show up in Chevettes. He thinks the loads of money they're supposed to be making is a lot of hype.
The Metal Years: a Saturday night staple for years. I wish it would come out on DVD.
The girls at our school who could've been in porn...well let me list them all here by name so when they Google themselves, as everyone does, they can land here and be mortified that some guy they don't even remember is picturing them as a porn star 20 years later. There were a few, to be sure.
Also, I work with a woman who has an 18-year old son, fresh out of high school. Three of his female classmates now dance at a local "gentleman's" club. These 18-year old girls, the ink on their diplomas not even dry, earn thousands of dollars per week rubbing their crotches in the faces of men old enough to be their fathers.
And people wonder why I don't want to have children.
What's the name of this place?
Actually a friend of mine worked at a clothes store in the mall back in the early `90's. She said this one girl from our school who was pretty attractive but not "popular" came in one day shopping for G-strings and garters...with her dad. They were equipping her for her new job as a stripper.
I once got a table dance from this black stripper who I swear had the most perfect body I've ever seen anywhere, ever. Genetic scientists should've been studying it. She told me she was going to college and studying to be a pre-school or elementary school teacher.
Later I went to hear a speaker at Emory University, which is a very expensive private school here. While I was waiting to get in, I heard a voice behind me I recognized. I turned around, and there was that girl (talking to someone else)! She was at a banquet they were having for some student group. I've heard they don't like you to approach them in public if you've met them on their "day job," so I resisted the urge to go over and say, "Hey, I've seen your boobies, and they were AWESOME!" Kinda wish I had, though.
You're sick!
Nothing like helping your little girl prepare for her new career. Seems like only yesterday we were buying a Trapper Keeper for the first day of school. Now we're choosing just the right diamond stuf for her clit piercing.