Am I crazy, or merely being driven mad?

In my everyday life I'm a quiet fellow. In fact you may forget I was in the room, I'm so quiet. In the past friends have asked, "Do you ever get mad?"

At work, it's a different story. Maybe that's because work is a different environment. It's a call center for Fitzsimmons Wireless, purveyors of the Orange ePhone.

This lady wants to change her account from prepaid to contract. I tell her they can convert her in a corporate store. "And no contract, right?" A contract is usually required. "No, that's wrong," she says.

"I'm sorry, were you calling to ask me or to tell me? If you're telling me, then I'll go along with what you say. If you're asking, then I'm going with what I said." Looking at the account notes I see she just called and asked someone this same shit just minutes ago and got the same answer I had just given!

She tells me she knows I'm wrong because she works with Fitzsimmons, too. Checking the database I see it says "...a contract may be required." If she works there then she can read the same database I'm reading, I tell her.

I say I'll call prepaid to get specifics. The lady asks why I'm calling prepaid. Because her account is prepaid and they deal with this more. She says she doesn't want to talk to prepaid (the previous rep sent her there, too). I tell her the account conversion will actually happen in a store, so how about if I get her zip code and we call a store in her area? No, she doesn't want to talk to a store, she wants a manager.

"For what? To tell you what I just told you?," I say.

"Yes, and you have no customer service skills --" Well, I didn't hear the rest because I hung up on her stupid ass!

Then a guy from Texas calls in. He wants to know if he can get phone number 555-1234. I tell him the odds are astronomical we'll have that number. I look and no, we don't have that number available. Then he has me check area code 222 for the same number. We don't even have that area code available, let along the number. He asks if he can get a "vanity number." No, we don't have vanity numbers, we have to go with what's available in his service city at the moment. Can he talk to someone else about a vanity number? No, no one has access to any vanity numbers.

I look at the notes, and he had already called in today, asked this same shit and got the same answers.

Okay, so he can't get 555-1234? No, we don't have that. Can we reserve it? No. Not even in the 222 area code? No, we don't even have anything with that area code available. Hmm...well, could he talk to somebody about a vanity number?

Mind you you're getting the capsulized version of this. In reality this circular recital of the same three questions lasted 10 minutes.

Finally, at the 10 minute mark, I say LOUD and slooowww...

1. "We don't have 555-1234, or any way to reserve it."
2. "We don't have any numbers beginning with area code 222."
3. "We don't have vanity numbers, and no one has access to vanity numbers."

This guy says, "Well you don't have to be sarcastic, sir!" He's been asking me the same three goddamn questions for 10 minutes! Plus, I point out, he'd called earlier the same day and asked these same questions and got the same answers!

Finally that guy hung up.

As these incidents go on I sling off my headset and mutter the words "God damn it! God-fucking-damn it!" to myself, pound my fist on the desktop, etc. My cubicle neighbor said -- with a laugh -- that I was really being offensive with my carrying on. She said, "That's it. You're nickname is Angry Man."

A gentleman calls in who's Orange ePhone has died in just two weeks. Additionally, the Fitzsimmons store inflicted further damage. I tell him to hang on, I'll look into it and get him with warranty.

In the background I hear him telling someone, "Yeah, this phone died. This guy on the phone though, real nice guy. This is what you want when you call into customer service."

Lesson: I can be great...IF YOU AREN'T A RETARDED PRICK.