It's tough being 20 and not knowing which end is up. I should know, because back in 1991 I was 20 and didn't know which end was up, but desperately wanted to find out.

My friends and I had our band Zen and we were eager to be famous. We had decent equipment and 3/4 of us had long hair so we figured we had a shot. We watched MTV, especially Headbanger's Ball, and read Rolling Stone and Guitar World magazines trying to figure out how to achieve our dream. In our backward suburb most of our peers were Vanilla Ice fans so we had to go to a lot of shows downtown to figure out what was up in rock n' roll.

I felt we were on track until we encountered a band called The Blonz. I had heard of these guys previously because a few girls in my high school were already full-fledged groupies and thought these guys were the shit. My friends and I went to a show called the Atlanta Talent Showcase and The Blonz were there (as well as pre-fame Hootie & the Blowfish and Stuck Mojo!). The Blonz came on last, and although I tried to brush them off with a laugh, the fact is I was eaten alive with jealousy.

Looking at this video you might see why. The Blonz' super-professional presentation represented an unattainable goal for a bunch of middle class 20-year-olds. In hindsight, it's clear there was a mastermind behind this with buckets of cash.



The Blonz actually had blond hair. Notice that the colors of their stage clothes are coordinated, too: when I saw them they all wore red, in this one there's a blue-and-white motif. They've got full Marshall stacks, not half, and they're real tube Marshalls, not the cheesy solid state thing I had. You can see even their moves are rehearsed, the way they'll group together and bang their heads in unison at the solo, then return to their "at ease" position when the solo is over. They're even all the same friggin' height! And build! This kind of thing doesn't grow out of three kids meeting in the school gym and hoping to ride their Squire guitars to stardom, this has been planned and funded for commercial success from the get-go.

There were several local bands like this at the time. Every city in America had a clique of bands trying to come across like they were from Sunset Boulevard even if they were from Beaver Gulch, Montana. My friends and I laughed when we read the musical classifieds because you could always spot a post from these bands because they always closed with the line, "Looks, attitude a must." We knew that meant we need not apply.

Another band like this was Shok L'Amour (photo above). We never saw or heard Shok L'Amour, but we got a kick out of saying their name all the time, as in, "If you think that girl is going to fuck you, you are in for a Shok L'Amour, my friend!"

The Blonz got a deal with Columbia records, but their record came out the same week grunge wiped out all "looks, attitude a must" bands. Later I met the lead guitarist, Steve Taylor (on the left), and he was a really nice guy. He was working at Dirt Cheep and I asked him what had become of The Blonz. He said, "We're just taking a break and waiting for this alternative stuff to blow over." Still waiting, I guess. Aren't we all?

It's no wonder I didn't know what to make of the Urban Shakedancers when I saw them. One guy tall with short hair, another short with long hair, and 2x12 amps that looked like they had been to hell and back. How were they going to get on MTV like this? Boy, was I ever in for a Shok L'Amour!

Nearly 20 years later I'm still not sure I know which end is up, but I do know I had a lot of fun in the early `90's.