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 Wednesday, October 31, 2007
 

A Few Words on Halloween

 

One day a customer called in to the call center to ask what the download charges were on his bill. I said, "That might be something you subscribed to on the Internet, like horoscopes."

The guy said, "Sir, we're Christians. We don't read horoscopes."

Well, guess what, John Boy? My mom grew up in an extremely strict Nazarene household where even television was considered the Devil's tool, and guess what? She has absolutely nothing against enjoying a good horoscope! Why, I bet she's even read a fortune cookie before, too. And just look! I, her son, turned out nearly normal! Certainly not so abnormal that I think someone's going to go to Hell for receiving a fun-size Snickers while wearing a Frankenstein mask.

But unfortunately lunatics like the one referenced above are gaining ground. It was with disgust I read this article in today's Atlanta Journal-Constitution. According to this report, 10% of people now confuse harmless dress-up and candy-eating with Beelzebub worship. Being a no-fun prude is the latest craze in America.

When I was growing up Halloween was the next-best holiday to Christmas in my mind. My mom would custom make my outfits, and I would get a head start on drawing what I needed to look like. The best was an executioner's outfit I had, with a black hood and robe, and an axe made from a real axe handle and a tinfoil-covered cardboard blade my dad made, which I covered in fake blood. Then I had a old wig head also dripping blood. Quite gruesome for a 10 or 11 year old. A band of kids would be escorted around by an adult, and adults we all knew would answer their doors and comment on our little outfits. The old neighborhood was low-turnover, unlike most neighborhoods today or even then, so there was zero worry anyone was going to try to touch our little musketeer as they dropped a Three Musketeers in our plastic pumpkinhead.

But with child molestation stories running in the news nightly, and everyone convinced that every candybar has a creamy filling of caramel and razorblade, the religious kooks have gained ground. They're hand-in-hand with the shopping malls, who have sold many on the idea the only safe way to trick-or-treat is at the mall, where someone can sell us an Izod shirt where they're at it.

Please, can we stop this assault on innocent, fun traditions? And hey, even if Halloween does have pagan origins, so do many Christmas traditions. And pagan isn't so bad: it was the native religion of Western Europe. Why is it I'm supposed to indulge someone if they want to wear a sheet on their head if they're Muslim, but the neighborhood kids aren't supposed to wear one for Halloween?

I'm sick of this shit!

 
 

Posted by Art | 12:00 AM EST | 4 comments |

4 Comments:

Blogger Mr. Radio said...

Amen! (Oops, I mean, goddamn right!)

We take my son over to my old neighborhood where my parents still live and let him rack up the good loot that I used to get. Some of those neighbors that Doug and I hit in the 1970s and 80s are still there.

The idiot fringe christians (no cap, they don’t deserve one) have attacked Halloween just like the muslims and qwanzaanites have attacked Christmas in the schools, now calling it a “Winter Break” instead of the “Christmas Holidays.” If the word “Christmas” offends them so much, then maybe they should get the fuck out of here!

10:32 AM, October 31, 2007  

Blogger Kim said...

Hey Art, Brian pointed your post out to me the other day but I hadn't had a chance to comment until now.

Take a look at MY Halloween post... it makes a nice companion to yours.

www.kimfosterga.blogspot.com

Kim (Brian's wife)

7:28 AM, November 03, 2007  

Blogger Art said...

Actually I saw that, and I should have referenced it. First I read your post, then I saw that AJC article and it made me "boil over," I guess. Actually even before this a few months ago at work the topic of Halloween came up and someone was saying, "But it's celebrating death!" and attributing it all to Satanism. Sheesh.

On the day of Halloween some girl in the break room at work was talking about kids getting to go home early on Halloween, and, "They do dat because over in England they worship Satan and sacrifice people." HUH? I told her maybe she's been reading the Weekly World News. She hasn't looked my way or been friendly since.

10:56 AM, November 03, 2007  

Blogger Art said...

Now I'm double-commenting on my own posts.

On another chat page I go to all the time, a woman in New Mexico said that the kids can't wear Halloween costumes to school and the school only has a "Fall Festival" because a couple of Muslim parents went to the schoolboard to complain it was a "religious holiday" and they were being excluded. I'd really like to see this country grown some nuts.

11:01 AM, November 03, 2007  

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