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Saturday, May 13, 2006

Chris: Go with Fuel!

Despite the fact I'm not a fan, Chris Daughtry is making his second appearance in my new blog already.

The big news following Chris Daughtry's departure from American Idol is that the multi-platinum band Fuel has offered him the lead singer spot in their band. The formal offer was made on a segment of the entertainment news show EXTRA! Daughtry says he has to think the offer over. He says he writes his own songs and would like to play stadiums on the strength of his own material.

When faced with career crossroads, savvy stars always check in with me, the Master of Show Business. Chris...listen to me. Take the Fuel offer. Here's why:

It's much easier to buy an existing business with a built-in customer base than it is to start something from scratch. Fuel's singer just left in February, so their audience is already anticipating what their next move will be. You'll get tons of sales on the curiosity alone, enough that you can know for certain you will be involved in at least one multi-platinum album. And if all goes well you can be their Brian Johnson (AC/DC reference), the #2 singer who carries them through stadiums for the next 25 years.

As for recording your own album...don't listen to those people who've been blowing sunshine up your ass telling you you can go all the way by yourself. They told you you could win American Idol too, didn't they? Tamyra Gray was also favored to win American Idol and made an album of her own music. Can you name one of the songs? Neither can anyone else. The CD went plywood. Plus, how many successful singer-focused hard rock acts are there? Let's ask David Lee Roth. Hey, Dave, what's that tear in your eye? Right. Rod Stewart and Ozzy Osbourne...that's it. I'm sure Fuel can learn your songs and doctor them into hits.

And if the Fuel thing doesn't work out you can always use the momentum from your tenure, take along some of their fans, and try to pull a Rod Stewart with the cash from the platinum album to fund it.

Go with Fuel, Chris. Do it.

Posted by Art | 12:52 AM EST | 3 comments |

3 Comments:

Mr. Radio said...: At $2.89 a gallon, there's money in Fuel.

ar ar ar; 9:40 AM, May 13, 2006
Anonymous said...: I can't get over it. This guy looks exactly like an entertainment attorney --- a successful one. Or a TV executive. I don't watch Idol, you know. But he's going to sell records whatever he does. Too much buzz on the street. He won't end up like Justin...; 11:10 AM, May 16, 2006
Anonymous said...: LOS ANGELES - The band played on while a young woman was seen crying and clutching her breast following a highly-publicized national singing competition. The young singer, Katharine McPhee, from the Los Angeles suburb of Sherman Oaks, was distraught at losing the grand prize of a recording contract and the chance at seducing young men through sexually provocative music videos. "Art. Art! I should have called the Master of Show Business. Did I sing the wrong song? Why, why did I lose the title of a lifetime. If only I had Art to wrap my arms around and console me with that good Southern lovin'. My yellow dress literally floated on stage... opening and closing suggestively, luring men to my crotch as well as my inner beauty. Yet, I'm afraid... no, I know! I know I should have saved it for the finale. God, how could I? I'll never be more than a club singer now, a chanteusse. I have regrets. That's it, I'll call my first studio album, My Regrets. I'll dedicate it to Art, who I should have called in the first place. Future Idols, please don't let this happen to you. American Idol is nothing to kid about. You get one chance, and ONE CHANCE only. Art, please meet me at the airport. I'll be in on the first red-eye out of Los Angeles... with my yellow dress on. Please say you'll give me all your support, straight up.
xoxox, K-Phee"

In honor of the young woman's efforts, the color yellow has officially been retired from the rainbow.; 12:17 AM, May 25, 2006