My mental picture of Thursday night's vice presidential debate was that within five sweat-drenched minutes Sarah Palin would clutch her lavaliere mic in her fist, throw it to the ground and shout, "I CAN'T DO IT!" through clenched teeth and storm off stage in tears. Joe Biden would then be derided in the news the next day for having too many detailed answers, which would be called "sexist."

But instead she hung in there, even with a smile. I have to give it to her, if Tina Fey and Katie Couric had been shredding me for two weeks I might've been too embarrassed to show my face. Maybe it's called "no shame."

As for who won the debate, I would say Palin -- on style. She may be seen as a dope, but that means she can communicate on the level of other dopes like me. She would say, "I tell ya what, folks, I think we would be a heck of a lot better off if those guys in Washington would stop throwing our money away, you betcha!" Then I would see the squiggly lines at the bottom of the screen on CNN, voter reaction, going steadily upwards to until they reached orgasm.

Then Joe Biden would say, "Ali Shish Kabob is the Undersecretary of the Interior of Pakistan. I recall in 1982 my former colleague, Sen. Rob Castleroy of Oklahoma, issued sanctions against Shish Kabob in an amendment we tacked onto House Bill 492, which also insured all peanut butter in school lunches would be extra-crunchy, and not that lame creamy stuff." The squiggly lines went neither up nor down, because nobody knew what in the hell he was talking about, but it sounded smart, so we just listened.

So the question is, do you want someone who winks at you like a Waffle House waitress and issues simplistic platitudes like, "With some spit and elbow grease, we're gonna make America the bestest again!" or do you want a guy who talks over your head...because he really knows what the hell he's talking about? I'm going for the latter over the former.

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In music news...

I have now collected the masterworks of Iron Maiden: Number of the Beast, Piece of Mind, Powerslave, Somewhere in Time and Seventh Son of a Seventh Son -- twice. I originally bought all of these in their remastered format, but from the first listening of Number of the Beast I decided these had been remastered into a ear-fatiguing listening experience (see my posts here about "Loudness Wars," extreme volume compression, etc.), and maybe I should check out the original Capitol issues. The only Iron Maiden disc where I'll stick with the remaster, I think, is Live After Death, because it features the whole concert whereas the original CD didn't. Or maybe...

"So you must be a big Maiden fan, huh?" Not really, but that "Wasted Years" song is really phenomenal and moved me to buy all their stuff, and for some reason these days I enjoy Bruce Dickinson's singing style a lot, whereas I used to laugh at it.

"You should get the stuff with Paul Di'Anno." Nah. Sounds like weak Def Leppard (I mean the High 'n' Dry Def Leppard, which was great). I did pick up the very first Anthrax record with Neil Turbin on vocals, Fistful of Metal, in mint condition for about $5.99 not too long ago, though.

And I'm listening to Slayer as I type this. Man, I am metal to the bone.