Occasionally on the news you hear about an old woman being approached at her door by a guy claiming to be from the local power company. "Just need to check your fuse box, ma'am." The next thing she knows she looks around and her purse is gone.

This happened to my aunt. She was in her 80's and some guy would show up at her door sometimes offering to trim her hedges. She went for it once and he charged about $120, quite a bit for trimming a hedge. He took about two clips before disappearing with the $120. This same guy came around more than once. The next time he said he needed to use the phone, and my aunt let him in her house. My mom then had to spend several hours calling various banks and businesses to explain my aunt's checkbook had been stolen.

My aunt still shopped for her own groceries, but she lived on the seedy edge of an otherwise good neighborhood. Every time she went to store she faced an onslaught of people who's cars had just broken down, they just needed a ride, etc. Thank God even with creeping Alzheimer's she never let anyone into her car.

My parents are now getting into those years, and these scammers must have noses like bloodhounds. Not too long ago there was a handwritten note in the mailbox that said, "I am from Nigeria (red flag!) and I am a Christian woman. I would like to clean your house..." Oh, shit. Well if that's not bad enough, one day my dad said some lady, probably the same Nigerian, actually knocked on the door and offered him a free loaf of bread (?) and asked to clean his wallet, eh, the house, again. Now they're not just scamming by e-mail, they're knocking right on the fucking door!

So today my dad says a guy from "AT&T" knocked on the door said he needed to check the lines, some people in the area had been complaining of static. My dad says, "He had a badge on, but I didn't see his truck." Aw, shit! He didn't offer you a loaf of bread to go with that, did he? I'm certain this was another scammer bullshit artist! Even if you call AT&T they're not going to show up for at least a week. Do you think they're just going around knocking on doors unannounced looking for things to fix? I'd love to show that guy some "static!"

The funny thing is my dad's catchphrase his entire life has been, "They're nothing but a bunch o' damn crooks!" The auto mechanic, the waitress, the cashier, all dishonest to the bone. But suddenly some guy shows up with a AT&T badge he probably made at Kinko's and my dad's saying, "He was a young guy; he didn't seem like a crook. He had on a white hat."

The up side is I'm randomly here during the week. If the doorbell ever rings when I'm here, I'm going to answer with a camera. "Say cheese! Are you from AT&T? Hold still while I call your bosses." In a redneck town like this if I wound up killing the guy with a hammer, instead of going to jail they'd probably build a statue of me in front of city hall.