I was speaking as an ambassador of the United States of America this afternoon. It was time to make changes to my Web hosting account and this meant I would be speaking to people from around the world. It was important to speak carefully, because everything I said would either tarnish or enhance the way the USA was perceived by our neighbors.

Back in 1998 I signed up for dial-up and Web hosting service with a Atlanta-based company called MindSpring, which was later bought by Earthlink. The last time I called about making changes, back in 2001, the call center was in Dallas, Texas, and the majority of the representatives seemed to have no idea what was going on. So once I got everything the way I wanted it, I left it because I was afraid some new recruit would delete everything I ever uploaded. I knew I could get probably get twice the space and bandwidth for half the price these days but I figured the extra $40 a month was worth it to know I wouldn't have to rebuild my site all over again.

But now the wireless router is working and I'm on a cable modem, so I didn't need the dial-up anymore, and I figured I might as well reduce my monthly Web hosting bill by 75% while I was at it, so I called EarthLink.

The girl was obviously in India, like the Hewlett-Packard customer service people I've talked to, but she said I needed to talk to the Web hosting department.

The next rep sounded like he was in the United States. He said for $14.95 a month I could get 1 GB of space and something like 10 GB of bandwidth. I've been paying $40 for 450 MB of space and transfer. I asked him what about the 2 GB for $19.95 special on their site? He said, "But you're only using half of what this 1 GB plan offers!," sounding sort of baffled why I would want to pay the extra $5 for Web space I wouldn't even be using. So I went with the $14.95.

Along the way it came up that I was still paying $5 a month for domain forwarding for a domain I haven't had in years. I bet I've paid $300 in domain forwarding on a domain I gave up years ago! We canceled that.

This guy sounded American so I was sure I was back in Texas, but I asked his whereabouts to make sure. "Manila. It's in the Philippines," he said.

As I hung up I considered the job I had just done as an ambassador. I wondered if this guy would go to the break room and say, "Those Americans are so gluttonous! I just had this guy that wanted to pay $5 more for 2 GB of Web space when he's not even using half a GB! And he was paying $5 a month for domain forwarding on a domain he doesn't even have! Do Americans realize how many chickens they can buy with $5? Does he realize how long my sister has to sit in front of her Web cam for that much money? I told him Manila was in the Philippines, too, because I bet those rich dimbulbs are hardly even aware Manila is on the globe."

So I felt a bit embarrassed I hadn't exhibited better thrift, economic sense and global awareness in front of our foreign friend. Are they Muslims down there in the Philippines?