Scott can testify that as a kid, every Christmas I would recite the bounty left `neath my Christmas tree, then would follow with, "But somewhere out there a kid is getting hit in the head with a lead pipe for Christmas!" I knew, as an only child, that I had an embarrassment of riches, and it was embarrassing.
Today, as a 36-year-old, I'm still spoiled! And now I think, So what?
Today was a great Christmas, for sure. First of all, my mom made brownies and cupcakes. I don't care if you're married to Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray, no one makes better brownies and cupcakes than my mom. Plus she packs them full of hash, so they're even better! One...two...three...just kidding!
Then came today's present opening. Ahh...just as I had hoped, there was Angus Young and Bon Scott to greet me! Yep, the ol' AC/DC Plug Me In DVD arrived, and not the two-DVD version for lame-o's, either, the full three-DVD set! I've got about six hours or more of AC/DC to absorb.
Hmm...and what's in this box over here? It's a bearded man! Waylon Jennings, the guy who got me on this awful journey of guitar gear and CD-buying. It's the expanded version of his 1976 Live album, which I used to have on a vinyl LP that was played with a savage, crude needle on a turntable. Waylon proved to me I wasn't stupid when I was in fifth grade, that was some sincerely good shit!
"Wow, Art! That really sounds like quite a Christmas for a 36-year-old who should really be buying stuff for his own non-existent kids." I agree, but we're not even through yet! Feel this envelope...it feels like another DVD, doesn't it? It is! Season three of The Office! I believe this one will contain my favorite line, "I know Phyllis looks matronly now, but in high school her nickname was 'Easy Rider,'" as well as, "Phyllis, did you just break wind?...Mmm...that's pungent," from the same episode.
Surely we're through with the thrills now? No! Hey I'm not some dope that just rocks out all the time. Sometimes I read, as well -- about rock n' roll. It's the incredible coffee table book, U2 by U2. Don't tell my gifters, but I now have two copies of this. After putting it on my list, I found it on sale at Barnes n' Noble, in hard back no less, for $10! However my gifters said they weren't sure if they could figure out how to delete it from the Amazon cart, but maybe they could and then I could get it at Barnes n' Noble for $20 less. I knew they wouldn't last long at that price, so I covered myself and bought it at Barnes n' Noble, and now here it is again from the gifters. Hey, one for the shelf and one for a coffee table. I'll look doubly well-read and doubly rockin'.
Phew...and now...the finale. Well...I might have to eat my words a little on this MP3 player stuff. A Creative "Zen" 8GB mp3 player is now plugged into my ears, playing the latest version of the December 10th Led Zeppelin reunion I downloaded. I must say, this is pretty cool. Also nice to know my treasured CD's can stay boxed, clean and un-stolen while I rock out to this thing. It plays video, as well, so I can now load it with some porn and spank my monkey anywhere, any time! Let's create a playlist for Asia Carrera...
Yes, I'm still spoiled, and I still feel a tinge of guilt. However, the alternative is to get hit in the head with a lead pipe, so between the two I guess I'll take being spoiled.
Yes, this was a Christmas for the record books. What did you get?
"Seinfeld" season 9, some nice shirts, a George Carlin calendar, a NYC calendar and some tools.
The best part of the day was my son, first thing this morning, seeing an electric guitar under the tree and saying, "Santa got me the guitar!" It's a shiny red Fender youth size, complete with amp and microphone.
That new Millennuim Falcon was a home run, too. I wrapped it up as a special present from Santa that he made special.
I bought myself a 160GB external hard drive for all of my Asia Carrera monkey-spankin' videos, a medic alert pendant and chain and some lingerie and heels for the missus.
My parents came over and we did breakfast for lunch, then I dozed thru "The Price is Right," and later in the rainy evening snagged some veggie lo mein from the local Chinese eatery.
Hopefully the evening will end with the missus cutting me a slice. Let's hope for the best.