Let's contemplate our butts, shall we?

Earlier this week I started noticing, when I was sitting on my chair at work, that it felt like I was sitting on top of a nerve ending. It felt like some cartilage-y thing that I suspected of being my tail bone was being bent wrong and rubbed raw.

This continued through the week, until Thursday it was getting ridiculous. Overnight I would wake up with a soreness in my ass everytime I turned over. Then at work I would sit down and have to find a position to stay fixed in, then move carefully everytime I had to shift in my seat. When I had to stand up I did so slowly, and soreness would extend from the "butt bone" right across my buttocks.

At home I looked up "butt bone" and discovered it's not just a figure of speech, we really do have butt bones! It's called the coccyx. After reading, I believe I have somehow dislocated my butt bone. I swear as I write this I feel it pointing to my sphincter.

You may suspect it's a hemmerhoid, but I've had one of those when I was but 24, and that was a different feeling. A hemmerhoid, to the examining finger, feels like a little rock outside your sphincter. Taking a turd required some focus and a bit of lip-biting as it pushed past the swollen, puffy veins. With this new situation I can crap just fine, and walking around I feel okay. In fact, I also feel okay sitting in my car. It seems to chiefly be any type of office chair that aggravates this situation.

They can't set a butt bone, and I really don't want to bother with a doctor for this. The Internet, an infallible source of medical information, says the muscles in that area are very strong and if you just lie in bed a couple of days the muscles will move it back to where it needs to go, or the bones will fuse if fractured. I have a nice four-day weekend ahead of me and I can't see lying around on my butt the whole time, but some time away from the office chair should be helpful.

Leading causes are pregnancy, anal intercourse, falling backwards or advanced age. Of these, advanced age is the only possible explanation in my case. No, no foreign or domestic objects have been near my anus!

There are a few paragraphs on my ass problems. It is now certifiable I have no shame.

3 Comments:

 Mr. Radio said...

Office chairs run hot and cold. In the Shithole Company call center, our chairs were crap until we moved into the Shithole Suite, and they bought all new chairs. But then after a couple of years they too started to fall apart and the cushions began to compress.

The chairs in my studio and home office are identical and awesome, so I ordered one for work, too, although I don't get to sit in it as much as I would like these days.

I think I'd see a doctor. Butt discomfort can be a real pain in the ass. I hope you get this behind you soon.

9:57 AM, December 02, 2007  

 Art said...

Yeah, I later read bicycle riding and sitting in an office chair with bad posture can also create this syndrome, along with a tumor on the spine. I'm rooting for the bad posture. I hope this is something minor that will cure itself in a day or two. It feels a bit better already.

Thank you for having my back as I bottom out (sorry...I tried).

12:33 PM, December 02, 2007  

 nulabs71 said...

You have health insurance via fitzsimmons, no? Go see a doctor. When's the last time you had a physical? Get one of those too. Hi blood pressure and/or cholesterol can kill you lickity slip.

You help pay for that insurance so I'd recommend using it.

5:54 PM, December 02, 2007  

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