Take a picture, because this may be the only time you read me dissing Barack Obama.

My opinion could change, but right now I think this guy could be a disaster as the Democratic nominee. He's already telegraphed to the Pakistanis that he may launch a military strike inside their borders, so they have an incentive to nuke us on his inauguration day. While running in a Democratic primary he called the Republicans the "party of ideas," and seemed to hold Ronald Reagan in higher esteem than Bill Clinton, a novice mistake.

During the South Carolina primaries, when I first began having misgivings about his viability, his supporters went bezerk that Bill Clinton would dare suggest that a black candidate would do well in a state with a high black population. Where does Bill Clinton get the nerve to state the obvious?

To top it all off, his supporters can't even tell you what he's accomplished. (I wouldn't be surprised if Hillary uploaded that video herself!)

Hillary Clinton's losing streak is her own fault, but only because she doesn't understand the density of the average voter. Hers have not been mistakes of policy or politics, but of marketing. She's running a campaign like it's 1981, unaware of our soundbite and kilobyte culture. Here is how Barack Obama has easily upstaged the once-inevitable candidate.

Personal appearance/presentation: Barack Obama is tall, thin, with high cheekbones and a very resonant speaking voice. His wife, Michelle, is pretty hot. I've read the term "MILF" used. Unfortunately there's not much that can be done about Father Time, but Hillary is 60 years old, short, and burdened with a egregious Illinois/Wisconsin accent. No matter what she has to say, most slack-jawed troglodytes don't have the bearings to hear it through that twang. Actually Hillary looks excellent for her age and my aunt, who detests Hillary, sells a lot of real estate dressing and grooming just like her. It's not working against Obama, however.

Lack of biography: A lack of biography is helping Barack because voters can project into him any divine qualities they seek. In Hillary's case there's a biography out there but it's extremely short and not flattering. It reads, "Bill Clinton's wife. Got cheated on. Republicans don't like her." A co-worker who supports Obama but has read a lot Hillary bios said a A&E Biography could have been a tremendous boon to her campaign.

The live show, the Website: Obama, or whoever is marketing him, has the savvy to know they're playing to two different audiences. One is the casually-interested onlooker who goes to his rallies just to be on the scene, to see what's going on. When you're talking to 15,000 people in a echoey arena you don't need to bog the crowd's minds down with details. Just get `em riled up with some talk about hopes, dreams and change, and give the media a good :05 clip to run ad infinitum.

The second audience is the hardcore news junkies and wonks. Those people will look for your Web site, and there they can get a 68-page booklet packed with all the details they salivate over.

The Hillster's camp has it backwards. At a rally Hillary goes into, "After the first quarter of the fiscal year and a 5% increase over the first six months..." Zzzzz. Then you go to the Web site and it's a bunch of feel-good vagaries, "Hillary Clinton intends to strengthen families and secure our future as a glorious nation..." Flip it around, Hillary!

Hillary: Even if you got the Bush tax cuts, your energy costs have increased three times higher than the cut.

Michelle Obama: Last night I was thinking about dreams, and what dreams have meant to me. As a little girl I would dream. Some would say I was a dreamer...

Hillary: If your child is born with a congenital heart defect, your child may be uninsurable from birth, or only at a rate most working families cannot afford. Your child should not be discriminated against for being sick.

Barack Obama: I bring hope! We're gonna hope for change! When the change comes, we hope it's gonna be great! Some knock me for being hopeful, but I think they need to change and realize hope is great! Now here's Michelle with more on the subject of dreaming.

Please, Texas and Ohio, don't buy this candyland, gingerbread house bullshit! Readers, use the e-mail link below to forward my brilliant insight to everyone you know who might halfway care, particularly if they vote in those states. Wouldn't you stop the Hindenburg if you could?