No, I haven't updated in over a week. I thought I was out of steam for creating the kind of social commentary that quickly became the watercooler talk of all of Washington, but thanks to a kick from William Smythe/Arthur Willoughby here comes another blog entry.
The Rachel Ray Backlash Starts Here
Judging by television Monday we're about to be flooded with more of cooking show host Rachel Ray than we can possibly stand. Now, certainly she has a personality that is apparently devoid of unpleasantness. She also has the kind of hypnotic eyeballs you would expect to find on a teddy bear, and the best booty in show business as of this writing. However, why should cuddly good looks spare her from the time-honored rod of public backlash? It's gonna happen sometime, so I'll be the one pulling the bandwagon.
Why turn on Rachel Ray? Well this morning I turned on Good Morning, America to see Diane Sawyer trading gifts with Ray yet again, after already gifting her on her debut show yesterday. The producers, or some sort of higher-brass GMA execs, even showed up on set to give Ray a coffee maker. Why don't other guests get coffee makers? Why is everyone tripping over their dicks to congratulate the new Julia Child?
Monday night she was on Larry King (not on him physically, though Larry had a glint in his eye that said he wished it were so). I could see Larry scheming to dump wife #7 and make off with Rachel as she toured him through the farmer's markets of New York.
The interview wasn't all powder puffs, though. There was an incident reported in the New York Post where staff members of Martha Stewart's show filed into Ray's audience using tickets bought with fake ID's, and Ray's staff located them and bounced them from the show! Of course Ray's eyes grew like saucers upon hearing this and said, "I didn't know about it! I was taping! Martha Stewart's just so great. She's, like, an icon! Martha and her staff are welcome any time." If they're welcome why were they bounced out? Stop playing good two-shoes! You're a bartender from upstate New York! You coulda punched Martha's lights out and drug her to the curb yourself!
Larry also sprung some photos of Rachel in FHM magazine on her, posing in a midriff-baring shirt and shorty-shorts, suggestively licking fudge from a stirrer. Ray said, "I'm not a size zero, so I wanted to be there to represent for all the real gals." This constant insistence that she's fat like all the double-wide food addicts in her audience drives me nuts. Her stomach is flat as a pancake and her ass has no jiggle and she still pushes this "I'm a regular slob" thing. (When will FHM ask Paula Deen to pose? That'll be the day!) Ray said the pictures were from "a long time ago and I would never do it again," doing some quick PR spinning for the prudish house fraus, then said, "I was over 35 when I did that." Then she said she was 38 now. So how long ago was "a long time ago?" The magazine, in fact, came out just last year!
But there are more female celebrities to bash, and they're not nearly so cute as Rachel Ray.
The Rosie O'Donnell Backlash Continues Here 
William Smythe/Arthur Willoughby's comments on Rosie O'Donnell are what sparked a new entry. I'm not a regular View viewer but I was puzzled at why Barbara Walters would pick some sure-fire audience turnoff like Rosie O'Donnell to replace Star Jones. The View's audience wants to feel like they're sharing a televised cup of coffee with their fellow effeminate females. They don't want to see Rosie "The Rivet" O'Donnell stomping in in her muddy workboots, putting her feet up on the coffee table, farting and raving about PETA or whatever her cause of the week is.
Kelly Pickler of American Idol fame filled in one morning on the View and I was impressed with the job she did. I couldn't stand her June Carter Cash impersonation on AI but found it refreshing on the View's Manhattan loft set. I hoped the show's producers would change their minds and spare America's housewives and househusbands from a bull dyke over breakfast, but I guess I wished for too much.
60 Sunset Studio West Boulevard, or Something Like That
Last night I caught the first six minutes of this new show. It's about a Saturday Night Live-type show where the producer goes nuts and delivers an on-air rant about how the networks have forgotten art in the pursuit of commerce. To redeem themselves, he says, they need to air more broadsides against Christianity and two-parent families, and air more cutting edge material like crucifixes submerged in urine and male-on-male frottage. Courtney Cox plays the new network president (I think that was her), a Left-leaning lady who marches into the middle of all the cynical, greedy men and tells them the producer is right. Her first directive is to air a Greenpeace documentary aimed squarely at the demographic of black women who have lots of babies out of wedlock. It turns out to be the biggest ratings-getter of all time.
That's a loose interpretation.
By the first commercial break I said this was that Commander in Chief show about a female president reset at a network. My mom, who was nearby, said it was from the same writer. Damn, can I call `em. It blows. Don't watch it.
See you in a week or two.
Welcome back.
BURBANK, Calif. (AP) - Rosie O'Donnell gave co-star Julian McMahon an eyeful when they were shooting a sex scene for FX Networks' Golden Globe-winning drama "Nip/Tuck."
O'Donnell told "Access Hollywood" that the director tried to shoot around a tube-top that they made her wear. But the director kept yelling "cut" because a bit of the tube-top could be seen in the shot.
So, Rosie fixed the situation by pulling down the top.
O'Donnell said McMahon, who plays plastic surgeon Dr. Christian Troy on the show, looked down and told her "nice boobs," adding, "but he was so nice." O'Donnell said she would "love to do that show again and again and again."
O'Donnell's episode of "Nip/Tuck" airs Oct. 3. She plays a woman who has just won $381 million in a Powerball lottery and goes to the South Beach plastic surgery practice for her whole family.
This morning I saw Rosie went femme again for her View spot.
You own three cookbooks? Sissy.
:D
You may take that any way you wish.
That's pretty funny! I'd even take leftovers.