Just a few months after my visit to Clear Channel the Regular Guys got fired for the first time. One of the two, Eric Von Haessler, was already working on a project he called Mad Pundit. From what I could tell this was going to be a Web site, syndicated radio show and occassional live show that would combine politics and pop culture into one entity. This same concept had been tried by John Kennedy, Jr. with his George magazine, and by NBC when they put Rona Barrett on with Tom Snyder and called the show Tomorrow: Coast to Coast. Both of these had failed, but I thought if Von Haessler got a young whippersnapper like me on board I could help him make it work.
I went to all three of the live shows he ever put together. At the first one he recongized me as I was approaching the door, which was flattering again. (I also recall this evening was the first time I was stunned by the price of gas. It was $1.89 a gallon. Seemed like it had been $1.05 just the week before.)
Touched by Toucher
On his next show one of his panel of guests was Fred Toucher. Toucher had been the target of some of my online criticism in the previous 99X episode. I was a bit worried Toucher might recognize me and bloody my nose on the spot. At the same time that might get me on the radio again, and possibly even in the newspaper! What a career opportunity!
Walking by he did a double-take and said, "Are you Art?" I began breaking up laughing and had to admit I was. He sat down next to me and extended his hand, "Hi, I'm Fred." Fred Toucher and I actually had a good time talking, or I had a good time, anyhow. He seemed shocked when I told him no, I didn't work for any radio station or media business, I worked in a call center. He encouraged me to keep trying, and also said he read my old blog sometimes and found himself agreeing with me a lot. Gee...what a nice guy. I felt a little bad for knocking him.
After the show Eric Von Haessler came over as I was talking to Toucher again, and they started discussing the latest happenings in their careers and the history between their shows. I stood there thinking, here I am, some zero from a call center, and two Titans of Atlanta morning radio are discussing their work right in front of me, and no one's looking at me sideways like I'm an interloper! And they both know me by name, on sight! It's like I'm a peer! SO WHY AM I WORKING IN A CALL CENTER?!
Another funny thing was Eric told Toucher he didn't want to say too much, because, "Art will report it all." I said I didn't work for a newspaper, I wasn't going to report anything! He said, "You still have the (Internet) forums." The last time I had come down he had talked to me about his modest expectations for the evening, and later I had mentioned our chat on the Regular Guys' chat board. Did I say something he didn't want said? I didn't know. Sorry!
Punted by the Pundit
Later I decided to whip together a folder of my work to send to Eric in hopes he would share some of his unemployment check with me, and we could really make his Mad Pundit idea into something. Though I carefully checked the P.O. Box listed on his site, the package bounced back to me as undeliverable. I checked it against his site and sent it again, and it bounced back again. Maybe he went to Inka-Dinka-Doo (is that store still around?) and had a "return to sender" stamp made. Who knows?
Sunny 107
Oh, well, there were other people to bother. Somehow I got the name of a guy at a news/talk station in Orlando and sent him a package. He replied to my follow-up e-mail saying he hadn't listened to my disc yet but he wouldn't mind an occassional nudge because he knew how important feedback could be. I nudged him again a couple of months later, and my e-mail bounced back to me. He, too, shopped at Inka-Dinka-Doo. No, actually I checked the station's site and he no longer worked there. Guess he got "nudged" right out the door.
I decided since everyone told me I had a soft, mellow voice maybe I should try for the Soft Rock format. So I made a demo where I was a DJ on an imaginary station called Sunny 107. I introduced Michael Bolton and Rod Stewart songs and read the community events calendar ("River Fest is coming!"), which is what you would hear on a soccer mom station. I picked out about seven or eight stations to send that to, from Rome, Georgia to Thousand Oaks, California. Didn't hear anything. Oh, well.
I contemplated sending out a round of packages with a cover letter that would simply read, "Hey, would you mind putting this in the trash for me? Thanks."
Muddy Waters at Clear Channel
Then I heard Clear Channel/Atlanta was starting a new station called Real Radio, which would be a Hot Talk station -- exactly what I liked! Scroll said he told the program director and assistant program director about me, and to be on the lookout for my package. I sent it down there and my follow-up query to the PD, Bruce Collins, went ignored. The Assistant PD, who was all of 26, replied, "We don't have any openings, and probably won't for some time. Please be patient." I found it a hoot that a guy who was 26 and an Assistant PD was telling me, at 33, to "be patient." Three months later the Assistant PD was fired, and another three months later Real Radio itself dried up and blew away to make way for Viva 105. Good thing I was patient.
Next I read that Clear Channel had a new low-watt talk station in Henry County that had hired former 99X House of Ecstacy-Popping Spoiled 20-Year-Brats host Devon whatserface as a host. I sent a ping to Bruce Collins asking if there might be a spot for me down there. He replied, "Sorry, but that station isn't one of ours." If he checked the Web site he would have seen Clear Channel graphics and "Copyright 2004 Clear Channel" at the bottom. Bruce Collins was booted from the Building of Death shortly thereafter, and I have no idea if that station is still around or not.
Finally I decided that sending my packages around myself was an amateur way to do things. Real media people had agents. So I put together some folders and sent them to the only agents I knew of, Don Buchwald (Howard Stern) and Bob Eatman (90% of everybody else). Didn't hear anything, naturally. They probably dumped out the contents and used my folders for something else. I just hope they recycled. Then there was another local guy, Norm Schrutt (the last 10% of everybody else). I found Schrutt's number on the Internet and left a message I'd like a mailing address. Never got a reply. I guess he figured they'd save me the postage. Thank you, sir.
During this time the Regular Guys were re-hired at Clear Channel and fired again, this time along with Southside Steve, Tim Rhodes, Tim Andrews and my pal Scroll. Much as WGST had once had me from morning to night, then lost me when they fired everybody, 96 Rock had just done the same. Elsewhere the whole FCC dam had come undone and Howard Stern and Opie & Anthony had also left the airwaves. Radio no longer looked like any fun. Everywhere in the news was the tale of how MP3 players were snuffing the radio stations. Now I only tuned in 750 AM for Cap'n Herb's traffic, and I bet people who spring for those On Star and Magellan services aren't even doing that.
Now, a few short years after Tim Dukes told me I had "limited experience," I turn on the new Project 96 and hear guys who sound like they're 21 on the air. And I bet I'm making as much or more than them at the call center! They probably throw their shifts for the entire week on a hard drive in a single Sunday afternoon for $10 an hour.
Radio sucks.
*Edit: The Memphis story
It was one of those times at the call center where, after successive months of excellent reviews, they decide to tell you actually you suck, give you all-bad reviews and make you feel like your days are numbered.
Just in time I got a message from our sometime-poster Rob to call him right away. He had a line on a job in Memphis. They wanted someone to run the board for the Dallas-based Kidd Kraddick show (I think that was it), and Kidd would occassionally interact with the board op, also. The Internet posting said no phone calls, but Rob insisted calling was the thing to do. I threw common sense aside and called and left the program director a message per Rob's direction.
I didn't hear anything. Just wanted to get this anecdote in the canon.
That's better than what my pal Scroll got. He said he talked to Schrutt on the phone and he said, "Well, you're 30 years old and there's nothing going on, so you should stick to your day job." I don't know if that was a paraphrase or an exact quote. I thought weekend overnights on 96 Rock was a pretty big deal but I guess not according to the insiders.
Maybe those empty positions will all become internships, too.
Who else is on satellite? Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey, Howard Stern. Wow, those aren't names we've been hearing everywhere the past 20 or 30 years.
Same thing on The View. Who will be the new person on The View? Wow...Rosie O'Donnell. Whoopi Goldberg. The "same six fatbodies" who've been around since the dawn of time. How exciting.
1987: Morning man Steve McCoy holds down the fort at Atlanta's Hit Radio Z-93, while Gary McKee is in his 16th year at 94-QXI.
1997: Morning man Gary McKee holds down the fort at Atlanta's Classic Rock Z-93, while Steve McCoy is in his 7th year at Star 94 (the renamed 94-QXI).
Hm.